I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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