So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
