My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
