i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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