Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
