do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i've created a new STD.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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