in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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