im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
