Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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