I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
