I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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