You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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