when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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