dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
