bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
