why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
