We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
