I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize