Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize