y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
