Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
