I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
