He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
