he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize