My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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