you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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