he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize