im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
