I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
