Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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