You're my little dorito
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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