i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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