i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
