no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
cat food counts as protein by the way
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
