But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
