dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
