I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
