I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
