I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
