it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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