Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize