Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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