Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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