I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
