So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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