Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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