i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
