Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
