): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
