I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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