I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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