I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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