my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
