I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
