I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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