it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
