I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
