In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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