Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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