Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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