Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
