If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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