matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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