Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
