All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize