dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
