i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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