Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
