The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
