ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
