I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
