So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
