thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry about my life...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
