dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Still dying that you shit outside
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have feelings that need drinking.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
