i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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